Dolly On ... Smashing My 2016 Reading Goal!

So back in April, I'd read a total of two books: The Martian (that I read while I was in Thailand in February) and Midnight's Children (that took me the entire month of April to finish). I never thought I'd make this years' reading goal (26 books), but I am more than happy to say that I've smashed it out of the park and am on 33 books and we've still got six weeks of the year to go! I think I'm gonna up my goal to 40, because there's so many books on my TBR!

So, without further ado, below are the 33 full size books I've read this year (I've also read some short stories by Edgar Allen Poe, and the short Pottermore e-books, but I've chosen not to count them on here). I've put a star rating next to all the books, mostly I've given 4 stars, and I don't whether that means I've really lucked out on choosing good books this year, or I'm too nice to give anything lower. It's probably a mix of the two. 

I've arranged these in loose categories, not by date read, in fact, I literally finished Empire of Storms a few days ago, but I wanted to put the whole series together - obviously. 

Throne of Glass | Sarah J. Maas ****

Crown of Midnight | Sarah J. Maas ****

Heir of Fire | Sarah J. Maas ****

Queen of Shadows | Sarah J. Mass *****

Empire of Storms | Sarah J. Mass ****

Shadow and Bone | Leigh Bardugo ****

Seige and Storm | Leigh Bardugo ****

Ruin and Rising | Leigh Bardugo *****

Six of Crows | Leigh Bardugo ****

Crooked Kingdom | Leigh Bardugo *****

A Court of Thorns and Roses | Sarah J. Maas ****

A Court of Mist and Fury | Sarah J. Maas *****

Harry Potter and The Cursed Child | J. K. Rowling & Co. *****

Zenith | Sasha Alsberg ****

The Invisible Library | Genevieve Cogman ***

Freedom is a Constant Struggle | Angela Y. Davis *****

Are Prisons Obsolete? | Angela Y. Davis ****

Bad Feminist | Roxanne Gay ****

I Call Myself a Feminist | Victoria Pepe ****

Between the World and Me | Ta-Nehisi Coates ****

The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas | John Boyne *****

The Reader | Bernard Schlink ****

The Diary of a Young Girl | Anne Frank *****

Slaughter-House Five | Kurt Vonnegut ****

Midnight's Children | Salman Rushdie ****

The Martian | Andy Weir ****

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? | Philip K. Dick ****

Room | Emma Donoghue ***

The Girl with all the Gifts | M. R. Carey *****

Every Day | David Levithan *****

Bitch Planet Vol. 1 | Kelly Sue DeConnick ****

The Examined Life | Stephen Grosz *****

Stiff | Mary Roach ****

Where I'm At | November 2016

Hey guys, so I just logged into Blogger and realised that I haven't posted since April. That's what, seven months ago? Just wow. I'm terrible - but I'm pretty sure we all knew that anyway. So, I'm gonna just give you a life update, and then to ensure that this doesn't become too boring, I'm gonna share with you some of my current jams (that's songs for those people who aren't as awesomely cool (read: super lame) as me).

Ok, so what's happened since April? Well, a lot and also not much at all. I got a new job that I think I love (it's hard to tell when you're as mentally unstable as me), and have been there for just over six months now. The work is boring, but I've made some really good friends, and it's great to hang out with them all day. Everyone's also really social, so we go out at least once a week which is pretty much all I've ever wanted. 

I've also 'given up TV', in that I'm not watching any new series'. This has worked really well for me, as I've been a freaking monster with reading! I've read 33 books this year! I'm planning to write more about books, so look forward to that.

Apart from that I've been my usual up and down self, still not found a way to level myself out, but Im trying. Sometimes.

November Jams

Daniel Caesar | Get You (feat. Kali Uchis) - I discovered this artist through a playlist on Apple Music called #Mood. He's a mixture between D'Angelo and Frank Ocean, who are two of my favourite artists, so he was bound to be a winner. Unfortunately he's not got that much music out, but what he does have is fantastic - especially this track. 

Childish Gambino | Sober - Yet another thing I have Apple Music to thank for is the Childish Gambino Essentials playlist. I really like 'because the internet', but I've never really taken the time to branch out from that, so this playlist opened my eyes to some of his other tunes. There's some really great stuff on there, but at the moment I think Sober is my fav. 

Kiiara | Gold - Yes I know I'm late to the party with this one, but I was only introduced it through this cover by Pentatonix. Mitch's voice is incredible, but I have to admit that this is the one time I prefer the original to PTX's cover. Mostly because I just love the minimalistic production. 

Ariana Grande | Santa Tell Me - You know I love Ariana Grande right? Know I love her so much that my mum has put a ban on me playing her music round the house? Well, that happened, but #noregrets. Anyway, as soon as the clock struck midnight on All Hallow's Eve, I had this song on. I fucking love it, and I just hate that I've given in to the unwritten rule that one can't listen to Christmas music all year round. 

Solange | Cranes in the Sky - This song is fabulous. In fact this whole album is fabulous, and if you haven't listened to it, I give you permission to leave, do that right now. GO!

I Met Nick Jonas!

Ok so, if you've read this post, then you know that I'm a HUGE fan of Nick Jonas' first album. It follows then that I'm less than patiently awaiting the arrival of his second, 'Last Year Was Complicated'. So, when Nick posted on his Facebook that there was going to be a Meet & Greet in London, I was like 'where the hell can I sign up?!'. 

Long story short - I won! I got an email from the people at Universal saying something along the lines of 'can you let us know if you'll be available at 5.30pm, if not we'll find someone else'. Ok this is where the story gets juicy. I already had plans with my dad (he'd booked us into a rehearsal studio to make some music until 6), so I forwarded the email to him saying 'I totally forgot about this (lie), is there any way we can move the studio to 5?' Of course, being me, I accidentally replied this message to Universal!!!!! Basically making it sound like I was asking if they could move the meet & greet for me! #megaawks Anyway, hilarious story short, the guy replied saying 'can you let me know you'll be there for 5:30'.

We were allowed to bring a friend, and I took one of my school friends who was so excited and, because she was going to be late, forked out for an Uber! Not sure I've got many friends who would do that, so thanks again babes. Anyway we get there and they sign us in, put us in the lift and send us up to the 7th floor. Once we're there they take our phones and lead us into 'The Boardroom', which is awesome! It had pictures of all their artists (pretty much anyone who's anyone) all over the walls, free food at the back (yum - yes I broke the diet and took a chocolate bar), lovely pink chairs, and a fantastic view of London. 

We were probably about the 15th people to arrive, so we took our seats in the back row, also I get very anxious sitting in any row that's not at the back. After being in there for about half an hour, with ladies regularly coming in to tell us that Nick was still in an interview and he'd only be 5 more minutes, he walked in. First thing I noticed was that he is sooo small. I knew he was small because of this video with danisnotonfire, but in real life he did look a bit like a child. Not that that's a problem (I swear I'm only ever attracted to small men - Chris Messina anyone?), I'm just super uncomfortable about my height and people making me look big, so I wasn't looking forward to the photos. He also looked very tired.

Anyway, Nick walked to the front of the room, sat down and told us how excited he was for his new album, how he's really delved into his sound etc. Then he told us he was gonna play us four songs from the album (silly me thought they would be playing them live, but no, just through the speakers), starting with the next single 'Champagne Problems'. He said it was about a night in a hotel room last year when he broke up with his girlfriend. The song's actually on YouTube now so you can listen for yourselves, but, as I'm sure you'll be able to guess, I really like it. Nick can pretty much do no wrong in my eyes. The chorus is great. 

Stupidly I didn't take any notes when I came out, so I can't really remember much of the other tracks (I'm sure I must've mentioned how I have the worst memory in the world). He played us Chainsaw (which he said was a very personal song, and he'd like it to be a single), and Good Girls with Big Sean, and tbh I can't even remember what the last one was, I think it was The Difference. You can't blame me for not remembering though - I was starstruck! I was in a room with fucking NICK JONAS!! Queen.

Anyway, so then we all got to go up and have photos with Nick. Me and my friend walked really fast so we could get right next to Nick - sneaky eh? So he shook our hands, said thanks for coming or something and then we stood next to him. He put his arm around me which is what you do, but I'm so awkward I just stood there with my hands firmly by my side. Anyway, it's a nice picture, if not the best angle for me. And also, my hair is NOT that colour, it's like greyish purple. 

P.S. I went for a walk the other day and came up with a list of about 20 blog posts, so I'm planning to write all of those and post one a week for the foreseeable future. I have a LOT of updates!

Fifth Harmony | Work From Home

So Fifth Harmony just dropped the track Work From Home, complete with a video, and I have a few things to say about it. Read on ....

I love 5H! I went to see them last year and they were fantastic! Their first album is pure gold, not only does it show off each members' powerful vocals, but it also gifts us with some sick beats (can I pull that off? I don't think so) and genuine throwback musical elements. Anyway, with that said, I wasn't anxiously awaiting new music, but when I saw Work From Home blowing up on social media I was excited to take a look. I'm sad to say that I'm disappointed with this song, but am holding on to the hope that the rest of the album, titled 7/27, is going to be better. 

I don't even know where to start, the video or the song? Either way, both are incredibly boring and remind me of someone equally boring, like The Saturdays. The lyrics are terrible, just trying to squeeze in every work/sex metaphor they can in the verses. The chorus is literally repeating the word work a thousand times, and it's dancey and fun, but as I've said, feels like it could be sung by anyone. There's nothing unique about this track at all. In my opinion the rap feature is sooooo overdone. Two verses by the primary artist with the third done by a rapper is so boring. Why doesn't anyone flip it up? Take a leaf out of Kanye and Big Sean's book on All Your Fault and try something new. The only bit of the song that sounds like 5H is the climax of the song where you can properly hear their voices and you've got both that electronic melody and a beat. 

The video is a whole other problem. Granted the girls all look beautiful (especially Lauren's new haircut), but what's new? It reminds me of the video for Satisfaction. I guess it's kind of a feminist statement that they've switched out the women for oiled up men? But anyway I hate that they feel the need to overtly sexualise themselves - let the music do to talking! 

Album Review: I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it | The 1975

I've been waiting for this album for a long time. I've been a fan of The 1975 since Chocolate - I'm not going to pretend I knew them before that, I'm not that cool. But I do remember where and when I was when I first heard it, so does that make me cool? Anyway, I thought they were you're classic run of the mill indie band, that was until they released Girls. Probably my favourite song of all time, definitely my favourite lyric of all time 'I know you're looking for salvation in the secular age but girl I'm not your saviour'. Long story short, we went to see them at Alexandra Palace a few years ago, they were great, but at the time I only knew the singles which was a shame. So I went home and bought the album and fell in love. I'm definitely going to do a post all about why I love the band, and I'll talk a lot more about the first album there. Basically I've been excited about new music from The 1975 for a long time and all in all I haven't been disappointed. 

I went out for a walk this morning to focus on listening to this album, and I wish I could have recorded my inner monologue. It was mostly 'wow's, 'no's and shocked 'fuck's, some of which have made it into the post below, so ... language warning!

When I first read the track listing for this album I wondered if The 1975 was going to be a whole new song, or the same as the track of the same name on the first album. Either way I would have been happy, but I was kind of hoping for the band to release a new song with the same name as one of their older songs, because what would be more The 1975? Anyway, it's a good track, and does, as I think it's supposed to, introduce the bands' unique sound. 

Love Me was the first track the band released as a teaser for the album, and I have to say it left me quite apprehensive for the future of their sound. This song is very different to anything on their first album. Granted, it's upbeat like Girls and The City, but in a less poppy more glam rock, in fact David Bowie-esque, way. Anyway, as you'll see, I had nothing to be apprehensive about, and do in fact really like this song, even more so after hearing Matty talk about it here. Wow looking for that video I found this one, which makes me love them even more <3 and feel like I am indeed in on the joke - yay!

The second teaser from the album was UGH!, and as soon as I heard the first few bars I felt like this was the best piece of music I'd ever heard. No joke. The music is happy and funky (especially that bloody fantastic bridge!), yet the lyrics are complex and clever. This song reminded me how much I love The 1975 and led me back to listening to nothing but their first album over and over. I think this was also about the time when I realised that The 1975 were (and are) my favourite band (sorry Paramore - we had a good ride). Everything about their music is perfection to me, the electro-funk happiness mixed with clever, funny, self-aware and sometimes mocking lyrics just feel like exactly what I want and need from music right now. This song has worked its way right to the top of my Most Played, sitting behind only the gospel version of Jealous. 

So the first track that was actually new to me, was track four, A Change of Heart. This song feels like first album stuff with a second album twang - I feel like the uplifting/happy edge makes it stand out from the first album. They really are the pink to the first albums black. One thing I remember about listening to the first album was that I didn't have a clue what Matty was saying in maybe 70% of the songs until I googled the lyrics. Now, it might be because I'm now very familiar with their style and am able to decode what he's saying, but I feel like I heard every single word in this song. It feels weird to say I'm disappointed by that, but I think that's just what I was expecting to get and didn't. Anyway, back to the song itself! I really like it, though I'd fucking hate to be the girl he's talking about. It's funny and chilled out and has all the musical elements I've come to expect from the band. I also love the references to their previous songs! What other band does that?! Have I said how much I freaking love them enough yet?

Fuck Me! That intro is the best thing I've ever heard. Before I listened to the album I scrolled through the Apple Music top charts and noticed that the highest charting album track was She's American, so I had high hopes. I've said it once and I'll say it again - I love funk! Music that makes you dance in your chair (like what I'm doing right now) is all I want. I feel like this song is actually very similar to both UGH! and The Sound, which is anything but a bad thing. If The 1975 decided this was their new sound and only made tracks like this I'd be happy. As per usual, it's impossible to define the 1975, but this song feels simultaneously 80s and 10s (is 10s a thing yet?). Also I feel like the band don't use drum kits too much, so that's quite a nice change in this song. 

Oooooooh I do like If I Believe You. So far the album's been full of banging single-worthy tracks, but this song is their first furore into the slightly more obscure, inaccessibility of early tracks like Antichrist, Menswear and Woman. But fuck (I'm sorry for all the swearing, but I did warn you!) this song is so good! About a minute and a half in it turns into a proper gospel/real R'n'B slow jam, it sounds so much like another song and I can't think what it is, for now lets say it's Untitled (How Does It Feel). Of course The 1975 use a gospel choir on a song about atheism - talk about perfection. To be honest anything to do with atheism is my jam, but this song just fucking hell wow. I'm gonna listen to this song so many times. You know what I think it is just major Untitled (How Does It Feel) vibes that this song is giving me. Oh and then there's a jazz breakdown with a sax four minutes in. The last few minutes see Matty repeating 'If I'm lost, then how can I find myself' over what sounds suspiciously similar to the Skins theme tune, and I love it.

Ah, now we get to Please Be Naked. When the tracklisting was revealed I assumed this would be another tongue in cheek, funk rock riot like Love Me, but no! It turns out to be one of the most beautiful instrumental pieces the band has ever made! Always flipping things upside down and challenging expectations these 1975 guys. Listening to this with my eyes closed transports me to a massive but empty auditorium that I'm sitting right in the middle of. I also feel like this would be a perfect song to listen to if you were on a desert island. Or sitting in the middle of a very busy road intersection when it's raining.

Ha ha, so one of my favourite 1975 tracks is Fallingforyou, and I wondered whether they were going to release any new music with no spaces in the title (yes I know I over think everything), and they did with this next song Lostmyhead. This is the first song that I feel could have actually been on the first album, it's got that very ethereal sound that just seems to surround you and run through your veins, without the shine and sparkle of the new stuff. If I close my eyes I feel like I'm a part of this music (is it too much to say I feel 'inside it'?). All in all this is a beautiful if slightly tragic track. Dare I say 'tragically beautiful'. This song, like a lot of The 1975s, has an epic quality to it, similar to that of 30stm, but in a way that doesn't feel like that's what they were going for. I really hope they do this live. I'm sure I'd cry.

Lolwut? The Ballad of Me and My Brain opens with what sounds a bit like a choir warming up. Be still my beating heart. I love love love when singers shout/scream their lyrics which Matty does to open this song. This song confuses me a lot in that I don't know if I like it or not. I feel like its a grower, I need to listen to it more to get into it, like how I feel a lot of the songs on the first album or EPs are. This song feels very short, which at this stage of my feelings for it, is a good thing. Awks. I really really do like the introduction though. Edit: Ok it's a day later and I love this song.

I first listened to Somebody Else sitting in a hammock in Thailand staring out across the sea, and I think that's the perfect place for this song. I wasn't too keen at first, mostly because the previous three teaser tracks had all been big poppy singles that you fall in love with on the first listen, and this really isn't that, but having given it a chance I do really like it. And, as I'm sure you'll probably have guessed, I particularly like the funky bridge, especially when Matty says 'fuck that get money!', it sounds so high and his accent makes me smile.  

Loving Someone has a quite dark somewhat spooky opening that leads into a singing/rapping thing that's very reminiscent of Menswear and M.O.N.E.Y. I love when they break the fourth wall (does that work with music?), when Matty sings 'sentient something or other, I can't remember' and then says 'whatever'. I love it. As soon as you get comfortable with the verse chorus structure of the song it throws out a spoken word portion that is just honey to listen to. Let me be the first to say that Matty has a really lovely speaking voice. This is the second song where they've had a female vocalist, and can I just ask why I wasn't approached to do this? I know I've never really sung in public and no one really knows that I want to be a singer, but I would have been perfect for this job!

So the title track of any album is going to have quite high expectations laid upon it, but for me I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it had a particular draw for me as I thought it might explain the ridiculously long album title! It doesn't. It does however do a lot more than that, it feels like about five songs in one, complete with a middle section that sounds like the soundtrack to an advert for Windows, and just does something so different and weird, much like the title itself. I feel like this song is The 1975 (the song) of this album (does that make sense?).

The Sound was released soon after UGH! and I didn't think that anything would ever live up to the perfection of that song, but this does a damn good job. I love the 90s keyboard riff and the dancy happy feeling that runs through the whole thing. I also flipping love the lyrics! They're so hilariously tongue in cheek. And don't even get me started on that fantastic guitar solo at the end. An altogether great great song.

I absolutely love the opening of This Must Be My Dream, it's upbeat but in a slightly more muted way than The Sound. It feels like a mix of the ethereal Lostinmyhead and the pure fun of UGH! and The Sound. I want to dance to this, but in a more laid back way than the singles, and with my eyes closed. Trust The 1975 to throw a Careless Whisper-esque saxophone solo into this fairly standard but elegant pop track. 

Okay so I think Paris is my favourite song on the album, and I think they should have ended the album here. As I think I've made pretty clear, I love love love love love happy sounding songs, and this is just that. The riff is very simple and actually sounds quite childlike. The lyrics are very clever (as expected), I particularly love the line about Mr Serotonin Man. I feel like such a fake using the word juxtaposed, but I love when The 1975 juxtapose really happy, seemingly simple music with sad, deep lyrics. They do it a lot and that's a big part of why I love them so much. I can't wait to make an album so I can sneak in cheeky references like this one. Oh this song is so beautiful, and another one that I wont stop listening to until I hate it. 

'Voila! That's the end of the album!' I wish. 

When this song started I was in shock. It's an acoustic guitar. On a 1975 track. Literally what's going on? I don't really know what else to say, this is not what I look for from the 1975. Anyone can make this kind of music, it's actually quite hard to listen to after the greatness of Paris. But anyway, Nana is obviously about Matty's grandma dying, so the lyrics are very sad and heartfelt, and maybe a bit close to home for me to listen to. Basically I don't know if this will ever get more than the two plays it's taken me to write this blurb. It's very sad (which is not what I like at all) and I don't like acoustic guitars on anyone by Ed Sheeran.

NOOOOO more acoustic guitar! I'm so over it. She Lays Down could literally be sung by anyone and I'm sure it's deep and meaningful, but this is not my music. I'm so so so glad these last two songs weren't the first things I'd heard from The 1975, because I probably wouldn't have given them another chance. Almost how it took me over 3 years to get over The A Team and like Ed Sheeran. So I just don't understand how they thought this song was a good closer for the album, obviously I don't know them as well as I think.

So altogether I really do love this album, but I'd love it even more if it was only 15 tracks long and ended with Paris. I've only listened to the non-single tracks a few times, so I may end up updating this or writing a totally new post about my favourite tracks and how I've grown to love Nana and She Lays Down (though I very VERY much doubt it). Okay guys, I think this is the best post I've ever written. Maybe I just need to stick to writing about music. It comes so easily.

Welcome to Thailand!

Okay, so I made it to Thailand! About two weeks ago (embarrassed emoji). I've meant to blog before now, but we all know what I'm like. I have been trying to post something every day on Instagram though! The link to that is in the sidebar, my username is lostinallmyselfishthoughts. 

So I came travelling with the idea that I was going to vlog. I was going to film and upload something everyday. I quickly realised that that was NOT what I wanted to be doing while ravelling. How do vloggers do it?! I also didn't bring my big camera with me (my canon DSLR), and although I'm still pretty miserable about this, I think it's caused me to look around and absorb my surroundings a bit more. Granted, I'm not going to go home with the most incredible photographs (which is kind of annoying) but hopefully I'll be taking more meaningful things back with me. I have been making sure to take photos on my phone and at least one video every day which I'm planning to compile into a little travel video when I get back. 

I also didn't bring a laptop/tablet with me. This has also depressed me quite a bit, but now I'm here there's nothing I can do. This has contributed largely to the fact that I haven't blogged since I've been here, because typing long posts on my phone is not particularly fun. But I'm gonna suck it up and just go for it! 

So, ignoring the fact that I can't work out how to add photos (the app won't download on my phone) and the lack of formatting,  look forward to a nice lot of posts coming up  over the next few days and weeks. After Thailand I've got some exciting things lined up :) 

Creative Inspiration | Gray Malin

I almost feel like I'm tainting this post with my words because the images really do speak for themselves. Gray Malin's photography is, to me, perfection. He both discovers and creates beauty in the world, and inspires me not only to explore the world, but also to document it creatively. When I'm rich I will buy so many Gray Malin prints they wont know what hit 'em, but for now I'll just scroll in awe. Make sure to follow Gray Malin on Instagram!

Open to 2016

So, I know, I'm the worst. Like worse even than Britta Perry. My last posts were in September! That's over three months ago, and even before that my blogging schedule was whack. So, not to sound like a broken record, but that's all about to change. I have a lot of exciting things coming up soon, and they most definitely cannot go by without me blogging about them. But, before we get into all of that, let me just update you on what's been going on with me over the last few months. 

• I went to Greece for six weeks - So I spent a bit of time in Greece this year volunteering at a turtle rescue centre. It was good, but I'm saving a more detailed explanation for a separate post.
• I got a new job - I work in a department store in London, and although I applied for a permanent job, I'm going to leave after my probationary period because I hate it so much. Okay, I don't hate it that much, but it's really not where I want to be. The customers are rude, the pay isn't worth it, and the products I'm selling (freaking curtain and upholstery fabrics!) I have no interest in or passion for, or even general knowledge about. EDIT: since I wrote this I've been moved to a different department which, to be honest with you, is slightly better. It's the China and Glass department, so we sell plates, glasses, vases, mugs and other decorative things. Still, it's not what I want to be doing, and I'm pretty sure I never want to work in retail again, unless I'm a manager. (Sidenote: We get a lot of famous people in my shop, recently I've seen Hugh Grant, Hugh Bonneville, Adele, Bob Geldof, the guy who plays Joe Carroll on the Following, and if you're a fan of British Royalty, I totally sold Kate Middleton some table cloth material)
• I've not been (too) sad - so apart from a major slip up last weekend (don't ask why, it's ridiculous), I've been doing quite well mentally. I think working so much means that I don't have so much time to wallow and let my own negative thoughts stew. I've been anxious and scared about what's coming in February, but more of that to come below...
• I've not really done anything of note - since September I've been to two gigs (both of which were great, Gavin Degraw and Fifth Harmony), been out for dinner and coffee with my friends (Candy Hearts reference anyone) a handful of times, watched all 7 Star Wars films, and that's about it. 
• I've lost nearly 2 stone - I almost forgot to put this one in! Early in November I joined Slimming World, and have very nearly lost 2 stone. It's been really great for me, and the meetings are actually the highlight of my week. I love hearing what everyone's been up to, it almost feels like group therapy. I'm gonna try and lose 2.5 stone before February, because I know I'm gonna put it all back on. Ideally I'd like to lose about 5 stone in total, maybe thats a 2016 goal?

Ok so I'm not even going to bother reposting my 2015 goals here, because 1 it seems ridiculous and scary that that was a year ago, and 2, I failed miserably at all of them. So, what are this years' goals? Well, I'm not a goal person, I don't think. To be honest I've never had that period of self-reflection when you work out who you are, like am I Type A or B, maybe/hopefully that's all still to come. 

So, anyway, as you know, I'm totally obsessed with Elise, and was slightly heartbroken when she said she was going to stop posting five days a week on her blog. However, I totally get it (how she managed to do that for ten years still amazes me). Every year Elise chooses a word for the year, inspired by Ali Edwards' One Little Word, and this year I was inspired to do the same. I listened to Elise's podcast episode with Ali when I was taking a late night walk in the park to clear my head (it was that fantastic weekend I mentioned above), and as soon as Ali mentioned that one of her previous words was open, I knew that that had to be mine.

To me open means being receptive to new ideas and challenges, and not writing something off simply because I'm scared. I'm the type of person who always orders the same thing at a restaurant because I know I like it, and where I don't particularly mind this 'closed' approach, I think becoming more open could lead to some new discoveries, not just with food. Of course open also means that I'll be holding doors open for men at any chance I can get #fthepatriarcy.

Okay, so what's this big thing I was talking about that's happening in February? Well ... I'm finally going travelling around Southeast Asia! Woohoo! I mean, I'm equal parts excited and totally petrified, but it's something I've been talking about for years (as a friend recently reminded me). I've pretty much got an itinerary planned, but all of that could change as I meet friends and strangers along the way. I'm probably going to spend half of the time with friends, and the other half on my own. I am scared of course, we all know I'm a super wimp, but I'm hoping that with the amount of planning I've put in, there'll be enough things to see and do that I wont end up getting depressed in a hostel bunk bed and wanting to fly home immediately. 

One of the key things I want to accomplish on this trip is to make a film a week. Yes, like a travel vlogger, except I doubt you'll be seeing my face if it's not to show you my reaction to some new delicacy. I've bought a camera especially, so I have to do it. I've been really getting into YouTube again recently, but the side that's less about make up and buying things (which is starting to grate with me). I've been inspired by Casey Neistat, Tim Kellner, JacksGap, VagaBrothers, devinsupertramp. Of course, they're all white men (yay diversity!), because the majority of women on YouTube talk about makeup and clothes. So hopefully I can make some good travel videos for YouTube despite the fact that I'm a woman. (Too bitter? Oh well, that's because I am).

So that's everything for now, look forward to a post about my travel itinerary and then my videos! I'm planning to do one a week, so that should be at least 8 videos in total. 

The Best Songs of 2015

Ok, so at the end of every year I make a playlist of what I think were the best songs of previous 12 months. Usually I then burn the songs on to CDs and give the out as cheap Christmas presents. Well, I did neither of those things this year, as I've only just remembered to make the playlist! Thankfully, the forward-thinking me has been adding songs to the playlist all year, so here are what I think were the best songs of 2015...

Fifth Harmony - Reflection

Ok, so I was struggling to choose just one 5H song to put on this list, but when your mum knows most of the words to a song because you play it so much, the song is chosen for you. 

Nick Jonas - Santa Barbara

Ok, so this song is my everything. 

Miguel - Coffee

Urgh I love everything about this song. The bridge is just perfect. 

Fetty Wap - 679

I used to be sooo into Hip Hop, but to me, nowadays it all either all sounds the same or is so offensive I can't listen. So when I heard Trap Queen and 679, I kind of fell in love. 

One Direction - History

Ok, so I listen to a LOT of One Direction, and my favourite songs of theirs are probably all on FOUR, but I didn't want Made In The A.M. not to get a mention. It was tough to choose between Drag Me Down, Infinity, Perfect and History, but the meaning behind this songs led me to add it to the list. 

Marroon 5 - Sugar

So there was a time earlier this year, maybe in February, where I had this song on repeat for about two weeks. I love it. Not to sound like a total hipster, but I loved Maroon 5's first album, but recently their music has become a bit too samey and boring. However, when they released Sugar, which is like super happy (and that's what I'm looking for music wise at the moment), I just gave in. Also the video may or may not bring a tear to my eye. 

Ellie Goulding - Love Me Like You Do

So if you know me, you know that I absolutely HATE Ellie Goulding. I really can't stand her breathy voice, and when I saw her live at Chime for Change she was terrible. BUT, I really like this song. I don't find her voice as horrendous as on previous songs, and I actually kind of like her falsetto (2013 Dolly would shoot me for saying that). 

Little Mix - Black Magic

As I said, I'm on a happy music kick, and this is probably the most candy-coated pop song of the year. I love Little Mix, I actually wrote a whole post about them here, and although I do like their new album, some of the sex references are just like ... woah. A.D.I.D.A.S. I'm talking to you. 

The 1975 - UGH!

UGH! I love The 1975. I'm definitely gonna dedicate a whole post to them. Freaking love them. I'm kind of devastated because I bought tickets to see them in March but I'm not gonna be in the country :( Hopefully they'll tour again later in the year, because the last time I saw them I wasn't as big of a fan as I am now. 

Justin Bieber - Love Yourself

I've never been embarrassed to like Justin Bieber, but this year he made it a lot easier to outwardly like him by releasing some genuinely good music. 

Ed Sheeran & Rudimental - Bloodstream

Favourite Ed Sheeran song by a mile (well tied with I See Fire), and this video is freaking epic! 

As you can see, 2015 was the year I got back into listening to chart music. Thank you Apple Music. For the record, I have lined up some classic albums to listen to while I'm travelling, so my ears will be subjected to a bit more variety.  

Click here to read The Best Songs of 2014.

Turn That Frown Upside Down: Tips for When You're Feeling Low

I don't claim to be any kind of psychologist, but I have suffered with depression for over six years, and haven't, as yet, given into the darkness (yes, I like to make myself sound like a super villain sometimes ok?). Being depressed is horrible, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but, if you want to, there are, in my opinion, some quick and easy ways to make yourself feel better or halt a downward spiral. These are my tips for turning your frown upside down:

Watch Something Funny

When I'm feeling depressed, 80% of the time I turn to Netflix. Mostly because being depressed not only makes you feel down, but it saps you of energy and makes it hard for you to actively 'do' anything. So, where you might feel like just crawling into bed and crying, instead crawl into bed and watch The Mindy Project. Watching a show that you love (preferably a funny one) can instantly lift your mood with very little effort coming from you. Now, it's not the healthiest thing to just lie in bed and watch TV, but sometimes you just need that time away from things to recharge, and watching something like Parks and Rec can provide you with enough laughs to make you feel a little happier.

Listen to Happy Music

I know some people are all about 'embracing the sadness', and listening to really depressing songs when they're sad, but that is just not me. When I'm down I freaking hate it! That's not how I want to feel. Ever. So, if I am feeling down I like to listen to happy songs that you can't help but smile when you listen to. If you're interested in the songs I listen to check out my playlist on Apple Music.

Read a Book 

Now, I've only been doing this recently, but it's been working really well. If I'm in a place where everything seems awful and the whole world seems like too much, I turn to the one good thing left in the world - Harry Potter. Yep, when I'm down, going back to Hogwarts and immersing myself in that world is one of the best cures. I wouldn't recommend reading anything too heavy, but something like Harry Potter or Percy Jackson are great, upbeat, easy to read romps that, to me, remind me of the good that's out there.

Buy Something for Yourself

Now this is probably the most 'unhealthy' item on the list, as spending money isn't exactly the most economical morale booster, but going out and buying something just for you can lift your mood significantly. Whether you go out and buy yourself that bath bomb you've been really wanting from Lush, or an expensive drink you absolutely love, or maybe a magazine that you really like, getting out there and doing something can really help to take your mind of whatever's making you feel down, and buying something just for yourself is a small way to tell yourself 'it is possible to feel better', even if you don't quite believe it yet.

Make Something

Unleashing your creativity is a good way of forgetting about your worries. Whether you paint your feelings, write a blog post, or build a life-size Legolas from old pizza boxes, focusing your mind on creating something helps take the focus out of your mind and onto something tangible.

Go For a Walk

This is something I've been getting into a lot more recently as it ticks 3 boxes: 1. it gets you out of the house 2. you get to know your surroundings, whether this be a park or just local backstreets, and 3. you're getting some exercise, and we all know that exercise releases endorphins! I'd also recommend getting an app like Map My Walk if you're the kind of person who really likes to see their progress.

Album Review | Nick Jonas (Deluxe Edition)

Ok, so I've never dedicated a whole post to a single album before, but I have SO much to say about this one, that I thought it needed to be done. I've talked about more than one album in a post, and I've mentioned this particular album before, but never have I ever ;) written a whole post about a single album. Truth be told, I could probably write a whole series of posts on this album I love it that much, but I'll spare you the pages and pages of 'I love this song' and 'ooh he sings so well'. 

Edit: I started writing this post back in April, it's now August, and reading the notes I've made about each song has got me in hysterics. I'm gonna try and keep in as much of these 'Dolly listens to Nick Jonas Deluxe Live' notes as possible, while removing most of the swearing and ridiculous spelling!

Second Edit: It's now nearly September and this post still needs work! If I didn't love this album so much I would've given up by now.

Chains: This song sets up the album well, it introduces the amalgam of genres that runs through all the tracks. This was the first single off the album, but he second Nick Jonas song I heard. I like Chains, but now that I've heard the remix, I don't love this version as much. This is the first song where the concept of having no real chorus is introduced. My favourite parts of the songs are 'tryna break the chains ....', the little bit of falsetto, and the MJ-esque 'ooh' at the end.

Jealous: This was the first track I heard from the album, and I loved it from the intro. The lyrics are a bit odd, I'll give you that teens, but the chorus is so catchy and lovely. I love when you can tell the artist is putting effort in, I love the falsetto, I love 'that's whyyyyy'. Obviously I love the gospel version more than life itself, but the original is growing on me. Although it's poppy it's still kind of dark; it's not exactly happy or upbeat exactly. The falsetto at the end is my jam. I love 'it's my right to be hellish' and the 'I get jealous' ad libs at the end.

Teacher: OK, I love funk and the intro to this is soooooo funky. It's just bass and a beat until the chorus. I don't find Nick Jonas sexy at all, but when he says 'so let me teach ya', #swoon. I read an article about the demise of the chorus, and I think this is another song without a chorus, it just has that little funky synth bit, oh my oh my oh my <3. and then theres horns at the end. This is a great track. (I've left this one as my notes word-for-word because I think they some up my feelings on this song perfectly. #swoon) 

Warning: This song is a change of pace, it's slowed down with some modern electronic effects in the verses. This one actually has a chorus and I love it! Nick (still feels weird just calling him Nick) plays with melody a lot on this album in ways that I've not really seen in pop before. His voice sounds lovely on the second verse, but this is one of those songs where the last third makes the song and I'm just waiting for it all the way through; from his falsetto bridge with literally no backing, to the really emotional entry into the penultimate chorus. Then the last chorus with all the extra falsetto added just ends this song on a high.

Wilderness: The opening of this song is weird. It's sounds like a 1800s silent film soundtrack. In contrast the verses are quite modern and rappy. The chorus is great, ooh ooh, very sexy, reminds me of Nature Feels by Frank Ocean, subject matter wise. I love the second verse, the beat is louder and it's a bit more funky as they play around with the melody. The bridge is great, very well produced. Ohhh noooooooo sounds like it's from the Jealous Gospel Version. I love the ending with the beat, oohs and funky piano mix of modern and old crap. I love this.

Numb: I freaking love the opening of this song! It's very hard feeling, like Mercy (Good Music). I love songs like this, just disjointed enough that the verses still work with the chorus and prechorus, not like Jessie J. LOVE this chorus, obvz, I love men singing in falsetto. You could see this beat being used purely for a rap song (anyone want to do a Remix of this with more rapping? Big Sean?) Second verse is better than first. I'm a sucker for clicks. Again though it's a re-imagining of the chorus. Urgh this rap is so good. Her voice is heaven and sounds so good over this beat, when they sing together <3 works so well. Great feature. I'm waiting for when Angel Haze says 'numb' though all the way through, fav bit. Camera clicks. (haha hardly edited this one either - laughing emoji)

Take Over: This is so good!! It starts like any other song, and these are not my favourite kind of lyrics, bad gal and all that, but then when it gets to prechorus I love it - the chorus is sooooo goood! It's not the kind of melody or harmony you hear a lot and I really like it. It's well produced, I love the chorus build up/fade-in. I love his talking at the end even though the lyrics are kinda lame. 'Ooooooooh' MJ style again. adlibs at the end in flasetto <3

Push: Slow down again. This sounds like the kind of song a woman would release in that it's vulnerable and I can't think of many examples of males singing so vulnerably (except maybe Sam Smith, but his just counts as whining). Nick sounds like he's underwater. His falsetto all the way through is just lovely - I wanna give him a hug! The way he says push <3. The beat 'drops' in second verse and his voice is even more echoey. If I had to sum this song up in one word it would be dreamy. 

I Want You: Swearing! This is an angry song, 'I deserve better', not something male singers usually say. I like the effects on his voice, but this is a more generic song. It's not my favourite, but it's still good. Also, these lyrics are the most problematic - you got the key to my heart, I got the key to your apartment and I'm gonna break in etc. I love the effort you can hear in his voice in the bridge though. I love the na na na na na eh and clappy break down -I love this kind of thing, like in Gives You Hell. His falsetto adlibs towards the end are awesome, they remind me of Zayn on Steal My Girl.

Avalanche: This is good, but it doesn't feel as unique as some of the other songs on the album. I feel that I've heard a lot of this before, especially the chorus. Demi Lovato's voice sound nice (as always), but it sounds like any duet (that horrible Jessie J & James Morrison one) - they are hard to do well. This is probably my least favourite song on the album - you can tell because I've not got much to say.

Nothing Would Be Better: Slow down, me free, again a unique verse chorus sitch, it's surprisingly slow. Kinda boring, but it has a slowed down funkiness to it. You're the queen, again really well produced, and when the drums kick in at the end it gets pretty epic with strings etc. It sounds like loads of people singing kinda like 30stm This Is War. You can't help but turn it up at the end. It's pretty epic. Altogether nice end to the non-deluxe album.

Chains (Remix): Urgh this is so good. This song should be the only version of chains. Not that I don't like the original, it's just that this remix is so much more dynamic and suspenseful. I love the build ups to the awesome chorus, and when the beat drops, especially the second time. Nick Jonas Fan Tip: listen to this song with headphones. 

Santa Barbara: This is the best song I've ever heard, I love it so much. It's so lovely and sweet and his voice is high and the chord progression is so sweet and bittersweet. It's dreamy too. I prefer the verses to the chorus, but I could, and have been, listening to this on repeat. The lyrics to this are realllllly sweet - it makes me want to be the gal he's singing about. It reminds me of Hey There Delilah subject matter wise. Ah this song is so beautiful and ethereal, I want this at my wedding. The spoken word bit works so well too. The verses remind me a bit of Misguided Ghosts in their simplicity. Not so much the chorus, that's more kind of Coldplay-esque. 

Closer: This is nice, but again I feel like it could've been sung by someone else, like dareisay Robin Thicke or someone like that, even JT. Mike Posner is creepy af, he sounds like a woman and a fake ass weezy. Also I don't like the sexism ok? Maybe even someone like Miguel?

So, I hope that this stream of consciousness makes you want to buy the album, as you can see, it's taken a long time to write! Researching this i found out that Nick Jonas' middle name is Jerry which I find very funny. Since I bought this album I've got back into listening to whole albums, I haven't really done that since Lady Gaga and Paramore released things back in 2013, and I'm really enjoying it. I actually might have a couple more album posts in my mind bank. Anyway, if I were ever to release an album, I want to work with whoever worked on this album and on Yours Truly.

Changing Directions (Blog Update)

Ok, so that title kinda makes it sound like I've made a huge change in my life and decided I now want to blog about nothing but monster trucks, but don't worry, that is most definitely NOT the case. This year I've been really struggling to write on this blog, and I've realised that the main reason is because I worry too much about what other bloggers (usually successful ones) are doing: I need to post more DIYs. Why don't I talk about make-up more? Why am I not sharing gorgeous selfies all the time? Shouldn't I be doing the Boyfriend Tag? Or eating foreign sweets? However, I've come to the realisation that this blog is ME, and I should be writing about what I want to write about, not what's working for everyone else. I know, I know, people say things like this all the time, but until you realise the detrimental effect trying to be someone else is having on you, it's kind of hard to follow this advice. 

What all this means is that I want to focus on writing a mixture of posts that come naturally to me, and that I am interested in - hopefully both! Try as hard as I might, a post about all the things I've bought from Lush isn't going to be as fun for me to write, or you to read, than a post all about Nick Jonas (coming Thursday). The posts that I am most proud of are the ones that I've spent the most time on, or that I've been able to write easily because I'm passionate about the topic, not the ones I've just chucked together because I want to post three times a week. Some of my favourite posts are my Mindy Project Drinking Game (research for this one was more than a little fun), my depression fuelled post about YouTubers, my (still needing a part 2) post about the best episodes of Supernatural, and my first delve into talking about representation in the media. 

Ok, so with all that said, I'm going to be moving my blog into a more 'journalistic' territory. Personally, I really like reviewing things, because I'm very opinionated (shocker right?), so I'm going to do that as much as possible. I also get annoyed when the blogs I love (ABM, elisejoy, Zoella etc.) don't talk about the things that I think they should (god that sounds self-centred). What I mean is, I sometimes feel that people who have gained success in the blogging world don't use their platforms as well as they could. ABM are based in Missouri, yet mentioned nothing of the Mike Brown shooting last year. Come to think of it, very few of the American's I follow have said anything about the disgusting state of things in the US at the moment. But then I thought, how can I have a go at them for not standing up, when I'm doing the exact same thing on my blog! Just trying to take pretty pictures and show off the nice stuff I've bought (usually what Zoe tells me to - what? I'm very impressionable). 

Over the past year I've changed drastically, and I feel like I'm finally coming into my own. So, with that said, I want to make this blog a truer reflection of myself: 90% social justice warrior, 5% full on nerd and 5% Photoshopper, wrapped into a giant ball of anxiety and depression. On top of all of this I've asked some of my friends, budding writers and the like, to contribute to this new fangled blog! I know!! Exciting right? Because there's only so much I know and have experienced, I thought it was important to open the floor to some differing views, opinions and backgrounds.

Through this new transition I'm going to change up the posting schedule to Tuesday and Thursday at midday (GMT). I hope you're as excited about this new direction as I am, and I can't wait to get started on Lost In All My Selfish Thoughts 2.0!

Summer Jams 2015

I've not done any kind of music post, or any kind of post for that matter, in a long time, so I thought I'd give you a quick roundup of some of the albums I've been loving over the past couple of months. I've left off Nick Jonas' album because I've dedicated an entire post to it - I know, I'm full of surprises.

Miguel - Wildheart

Adorn is one of my favourite songs ever, so to say I was excited for this record is an understatement. On the first listen I was quite confused by the album because it's not got quite the same R&B sound of Kaleidoscope Dream. However, when I listened through again, bypassing the initial surprise, to properly listen to the music, I adored it. The music on this album cannot be put into any particular genre - it's that good! My favourite part of the album (so far) is the last half of Coffee, I love when Miguel does his ad libs, he gets across so much emotion in his voice, it brings a tear to my eye every time.

Listen to:

1. Coffee (my favourite song of the year so far)
2. Hollywood Dreams
3. face the sun (feat. Lenny Kravitz)

Fifth Harmony - Reflection

I've loved BO$$ since I first heard it on the X Factor last year, so I don't know why it took me so long to get the album, it's so good! It reminds me of Ariana Grande's first album Yours Truly, but with a bit more grit. I feel like saying I love every track on this album is a bit of a cop out, so I'll try to narrow it down to my Top 5.

Listen to:

1. Reflection
2. Like Mariah (feat. Tyga)
3. BO$$
4. Suga Mama
5. Going Nowhere

Empire Official Soundtrack

So it used to be that I was ahead of the curve when it came to TV, I was always up to date with shows before my friends even knew they existed, and while this has remained true to a degree (I'm looking at you How To Get Away With Murder), I seriously failed with Empire. I only watched Season One in June! What was I doing?! I mean, I do prefer to binge watch my shows, but I would've got so many more Cookie references if I'd been watching from the beginning! Anyway, in case you've been living under the same rock that I was, Empire is about a record label, and throughout the show the cast perform some really great original songs. I'm SO glad they released this album, because these songs are classics.

Listen to:

1. Whatever Makes You Happy - Jennifer Hudson & Juicy J
2. Keep Your Money - Jussie Smollett
3. You're So Beautiful - Jussie Smollett & Yazz

Throwback R&B - Various Artists

As I've mentioned countless times before, I am in LOVE Trevor Nelson's compilation albums. This isn't one of them, but when I went through the iTunes preview, it sounded like it could be, so I downloaded it. It's full of great songs from the '90s and early '00s. I've rediscovered some classics thanks to this album.

Listen to:

1. Foolish - Ashanti (always been a favourite)
2. Mo Money Mo Problems - Notorious B.I.G feat. Puff Daddy & Mase